Are You Ready To Move In Together?01Oct 2015
This is the question that will rock your mind from the moment you ask it till you finally move in with your loved one, when you will actually get the answer. You should not wait for the removal van to stop at your new place to find that out, though. Before asking somebody to move in with you, there are plenty of other questions that need to be asked – both yourself and your partner – and only then can you ask this one as the answer will be easier to attain. So don’t reach for the yellow pages, already thinking of setting dates with the removal company, first riddle yourself this.
“Where is this going?”
This is the most important question you can ask a person. This is the ‘let’s stop or let’s continue to the end’, the ‘do or die’ question that will immediately decide whether you will be staying with your partner or your relationship will come to a sudden end. You should both sit down and discuss the future, and actively use future as the underlined tense. Think all the cliched questions that you could get at a job interview, like “Where do you see yourself in five/ten years?”, because what is happening when you ask this question is basically starting an interview for the job of a lifetime.
“Will I have my independence?”
This is more of a question to ask yourself rather than your partner. Not that you shouldn’t ask it to your partner, but it might come off as offensive and insensitive. You need to know your partner to answer this question yourself. After you move in with someone, you no longer will have the solitude of your own home to rely on when looking for peace and silence, and time for yourself. For that you will be at the mercy of your partner’s consideration and he or she should be the one to make the gesture of leaving you personal time and space. And yes, it is a gesture, because after you move in with someone, your time and space are things dedicated to the other one – sharing keys with someone is the first step to sharing rings, and that means making a promise that you will always be there for them.
“Am I doing it because of necessity or because I want to?”
Some people think that moving in with someone is mandatory, either because you have been presented with an ultimatum, or because you are at the end of your lease and now will be the time to think whether to get an extension of the lease or bring up the living together idea and start looking for moving companies and a new home. Moving in with your partner should not be a need, but something you think and feel that you want, and only then should you bring up the topic of living together.
“Will it ruin the relationship?”
Let’s admit it, some people are slobs, and sometimes it’s just nice to be a slob. Those dishes can stay in the sink for another few hours or days, and the ants won’t come for the crumbs on the floor immediately, so why deal with them now, right? The sofa is just too comfortable to be left for loud exercises like vacuuming. And all this doesn’t mean that you won’t do it; it just means that you won’t do it now, right? And this way of thinking might be proper for you, but when you are living with someone, that someone might just have a problem with it. Constant arguments about chores and cleaning schedules and messy carpets will ensue if you think that your partner won’t mind the messes you make just because he or she knows that you will fix them later. And the same will happen if your friends who he or she hates keep banging at your door for long football matches or kitchen gossip. You both need to know if you can deal with each other’s habits and consent to living together only if the answer is a definite yes, and not a shaky “I guess so”. Living with constant compromises will work only so far.
And then comes the big question. “Are you ready to move in together?” After going through the rest of the questions, you should be able to get a more definite answer. And now you can start thinking about relocations, removal companies and setting up dates with movers.